Last May, audiences around the world were treated to the defining romantic comedy of our generation. Shockingly, I speak not of Sex and the City 2 or even Shrek Forever After (in 3D!!!), but rather the NBA-themed Just Wright, starring Common and Queen Latifah. If they were to have a real relationship, they would be the Bogie and Bacall of our time.
The film is now out on DVD, which means that its special features are leaking like a faucet in need of significant repairs. Above, check out my favorite one (I own the DVD and have watched every part of it many times, no duh), in which three lovely ladies teach us how basketball is like dating. It’s a known fact even if you haven’t seen Love and Basketball.
But this featurette only scratches the surface of correspondences between the two different types of one-on-one (or whichever numbers you want — I am accepting of alternative lifestyles). Below, check out some other terms that apply to both worlds.
Flagrant foul: Making improper physical moves on your date. Let her tell you how far she is ready to go. Be a gentleman, guys!
Incentive-laden contract: Any first date. Your performance is dependent on whether or not you will reap the benefits of intimacy down the road.
Over-and-back: In relationships, there is often a point of no return. Once you’ve told a woman you love her, you owe certain things. Don’t act like things are the same as always. You’re committed now, and you can’t just return to where you were before.
Free agent: A single person. But when you choose your next partner, don’t team up with a hot, smart, funny person. Then people will resent you and call you evil.
Eight-second violation: If there is ever an eight-second period of awkward silence during a first date, you are probably not doing well. Don’t be reckless in conversation, but move quickly.
Goaltending: When your friend has broken up with a girl, don’t swoop in right after to take her. You have to wait until their relationship is out of the cylinder (of love)!
Player efficiency rating (PER): A complicated metric that measures how well a ladies’ man plays the field. Don’t take too long to woo a lady or jump from one to another without closing the deal. It’s about efficiency, not volume.
Agent: A wingman prone who makes absurd yet effective claims about his friend.
D-League: Middle school. A place for learning and not being afraid to make mistakes.
WNBA: The belief that women can treat the opposite sex just like men do. It’s all about equality in the new millenium.
Try your own in the comments.